I Met my Father for the First Time

   Endless laughter. Dirty feet. Lavender planted by the window. Clothes hanging on the line. Fresh paint on a cracked wall. Gummy smiles. Trips to town. New light in dark eyes. Hearing the Lord’s steady voice. Canoeing down a river. Praising Jesus no matter the language. Bucket showers. Rolling mountains. Birds singing out the front window. Feeling someone’s pain. Dusty African roads. Cream soda. Tiny hands placed in mine.

   The love of my Father so tenderly seeps through the cracks. So radiantly pierces through the darkest most hidden parts of my very being. This busted, broken, bitter heart of mine has been molded so tenderly by the God of the universe. 

   Not only does He see me, He knows me. Not only does He long for me, I long for Him. His love. His presence. His grace. His mercy. His forgiveness. His goodness. 

   You don’t truly know joy until you truly know my Jesus. I always knew Jesus. I knew the religious things to say and the prayers to pray but I didn’t know that The Holy Spirit would fill you with such an indescribable joy and peace. 

   I’ll never forget the moment sitting in the floor in an upstairs bedroom surrounded by my team with open hands and an open heart. I so desperately wanted to know to Jesus on a personal level. I wanted to know exactly what He thought and still thinks of me. I wanted to experience true love and fall in love with my Father. There in the middle of that tiny bedroom in Heidelberg, Africa I met my Savior for the first time. His presence overwhelmed me with such force that all I could do was sob. All I could do was tell Him how sorry I was for claiming I knew him but that I really didn’t, for being so filthy in sin, for not loving the one who created me. All He said to me in that moment was “I’ve been here all along. You are mine and I am yours.”

   I never knew what joy and peace and confidence I could find until I became friends with Him. I never knew how much He loved me or how He sees me as spotless. I never knew that each and everyday He pushes you to love harder and leap out of your comfort zone. I never knew Him like a friend.

   I’ve been in Church all my life I’ve heard these things over and over, but until my heart had nowhere to turn but Jesus, none of that mattered to me. But now it’s everything. Jesus is my everything. He reveals a new characteristic of Himself to me each and everyday.

   How life changing it is to know my Jesus. How life changing it is to see Jesus in the smiles of strangers and in the hearts of friends. How good it is to fall in love with my Father.