Miles and miles of empty air. A drip of the faucet hums a song as the fan blades rotate in unison. The roses in the window seal peer up at the sun as if longing for more. Anxiety has such a tight grip on my heart I can barley breathe. Thoughts run through my mind so fast I cannot seem to even catch a one. Doubt speaks as if it has authority over me. Tears rush to my eyes and begin to trickle down my cheeks. The enemy pouncing like a lion on my moments of weakness.
A cry out to my Father because there is nothing left in me. A cry of desperation, of knowing I have nothing but a busted up heart to offer the God of the universe, the creator of the cosmos. A soul that is planted in truth but so often lets the vine of lies silently suffocate it. So easily tripped up by the expectations the world demands of me. Thinking that if I failed the planet would tilt of its axis. It would not. It would not because I’m not the one who put it there.
Pleas for help in the stillness before the break of dawn. Heartbreak from the heaviness of life. Father give me something. Anything at all. Exodus 12. The lambs blood upon the door frame. His precious blood upon the door frame of my life. God didn’t look at the short comings on the inside, He saw His son’s sacrificial blood smeared across my heart and said “that one is mine.” Oh your mercy Abba, it overwhelms me. How can You love someone like me? How are Your mercies new with every sunrise? You rescued my caged heart and set it free. You so gently showed me that there is no fear in love. When I started thanking You for Your forgiveness instead of begging You for it, my soul became infatuated with You. If I beg for something You have already freely given, I am unconsciously telling You Your sacrifice was not enough for me. You are always enough for me. Inhale your Holy Spirit. Exhale the lies of the enemy. My anxiety quieted.
The wind whistles out the glass pane window. A draft tumbles over my tear stained cheeks. You’re here with me holding my vapor of a life in your hands. Each step I take, You’ve walked before me. You Oh Lord are faithful. Faithful even when I am not. Faithful even when the breath you’ve placed inside my lungs fails to return praises to You. I am so in love with You, Father. I will forever be in awe that I will spend eternity worshiping you. You Oh God are good.
